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The Red Confidential

Living, learning, laughing and loving it!

My Bestfriend’s Wedding

From my previous post, you already know my best friend got married and I’m thankful I got to share her special day as her Maid of Honour. She looked so breath-taking, I didn’t know my girl could look that divine. Anyway, it’s the first wedding I’ve been really involved in so it was enlightening for both of us and I’ve put together a few things I learnt.

  1. You don’t have to be perfect to be married: At the registry, there was a row. A couple had refused to pay the welfare fee of N11,000. There was yelling and insults were flying. The officer yelled “Get out of my office!”. The bride, in what had to be at least a size 28UK dress yelled back “I will not!”. Long story short, as someone losing the Battle of the Bulge and hating herself for it, I realised that size, character and all that “wife-material” doesn’t really matter to someone who wants to be with you. If he intends to marry you, he just simply will, flaws and all.
  2. Being Maid of Honour is a Job: It sounds cute and everything, but in reality, it has little glamour associated with it. You are Personal Assistant to the bride so most of the time, I found myself running, sweating, looking for things and calling up people, all while taking calls and relaying instructions between the world and the bride, and of course calming her down.
  3. Brides will make up the funniest colours for their theme, midnight blue, baby pink to Ankara orange. My friend had so many colours, I ended up with 3 dresses and eventually wore just one. Expensive but oh, so exhausting.
  4. Our society has a habit of putting women against each other: See, anytime I expressed my happiness and excitement for her there was always someone there to compare our personal lives and tell me to “tap into her blessing” or ask me “So, when is your own?”. It felt like I was supposed to be in some kind of competition or at the very least want to be married because she was getting married.

    “No, all I am trying to do is support and be happy for my girl. I’m not trying to “tap” her blessing, God has my own and no, I’m not trying to be married just because she is, everyone’s path in life is different”

  5. Our Nigerian traditional marriage rites and requirements need to be reviewed. You see when you are as old as I am, the last thing you need is a long list of traditional marriage requirements to frustrate or embarrass the man who finally found you. I would just like the Igbo people reading this to please take note. Next, I really don’t like that the oldest man in the house has to be the one to give the bride away even when you have no real relationship with said elder. My dad should give me away, no one else. Where he is unavailable, I will settle.
  6. I am mushy: I don’t consider myself an empathetic person, but perhaps I am. I was pleasantly surprised when I shed a few tears during her traditional wedding. I have a number of unpopular opinions about marriage but watching both of them smiling and repeating their vows was the most beautiful thing. Right there was one of the happiest moments of my life.
  7. Not all Nigerian mothers-in-law are mean: The negative image of the average Nigerian mother-in-law has been over-emphasised by Nollywood and they are not alone. Globally, his mother is almost every girl’s concern. You are expected to make the best impression, win her over and prove you are deserving of her son’s affection. However, to my surprise her mother-in-law is so cool. She’s smart, friendly, educated, playful, easy-going and loving. The first time, I called her “mommy” out of respect, but after a little  chitchat and handing me her scarf to manage as a fan, I fell in love and have called her mommy ever since.
  8. Call me Matchmaker: I’ve got a good sense of who people are, at work and among friends. Let’s just say this wedding makes me matchmaker extraordinarie.
  9. A little alcohol goes a long way: Now, I know it’s a little late in life to be discovering this but alcohol makes the music louder, the guys funnier and your feet faster. Hell, it makes everything about a party better. Jack Daniel was the man of the night, and in some Coca-Cola, my girl and I realised we wanted to stand up and dance! The magic was, we knew how to dance!
  10. Love is never late: Past 30, we are constantly reminded that we are late to the altar. But I realised that time is really just a construct we use to structure our lives. A relationship that gives you happiness and peace of mind is worth waiting 30, 40, or even 50 years for.

Summarily, weddings are hectic but with the right people, some effort and of course, a decent amount of money, every bride can have her dream come true. This wedding party was mine almost as much as hers. The DJ kept our feet moving as we yelled and struggled to hear each other on the dance floor. I had such a great time that at dawn, I woke with the feeling of his hand still in mine, salsa dancing and spinning me round and round and round…

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30 responses to “My Bestfriend’s Wedding”

  2. This was a lovely read. Loved the realness.
    I was maid of honour for my friend early in the year( my first and emphatically my last) . It’s such a full days job I had no blinking idea.

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  3. The maid of honour and bridesmaids thing is really a job. A friend of mine in the UK runs it as a business. She has girls she trains and then hires them out to brides as maid of honours etc. Nice Idea though. Will it work in Nigeria? I have no idea.

    A friend of mine once remarked “you don’t know colors until you have met Nigerian brides” You hear of colors like traffic light yellow, menstruation red etc..

    “I really don’t like that the oldest man in the house has to be the one to give the bride away even when you have no real relationship with the said elder.” I don’t like this too. But the one I dislike most is the bride price and dowry thing. Why do we really have to demand those things? Extorting millions of Naira from a man who is becoming a member of your family?
    My father says he didn’t pay a dime when he married my mum and he isn’t going to demand anything from any man coming for any of his girls. This really makes me at peace.

    Weddings are really hectic.
    Thanks for sharing your experience and lessons.
    This was a great read.
    Cheers!

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  6. I loved this and you’re right – being a maid of honor is “very hard work,” I recently experienced that myself in which I was like, hey – I thought this was about me being cute (not cuter than the bride of course), waving my hand as if to say “Yes, I’m the bestie” and having a different dress than the other maids; boy, was I so wrong! I’m so glad you got through it and I do hate when people try to compare, in which I want to say – Mind your business, please? Great Post and glad you made it through it!!

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  7. I really enjoyed this post and all the lessons. I didn’t know about the tradition bit of giving away the bride but like you, I would definitely want my dad to have that honour. As an ‘unmarried’ woman in her 30s, a lot of what you wrote resonated with me.

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  9. Awwww congs to your friend….no.4 hit home.my girlfriends are getting hitched and I am extremely happy for them however no.4 kicks in and I simply roll my eyes at those who throw in those comments 😂😂😂.
    Article was 👏👏👏

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  11. https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.jsI like the part of being happy for your girl and can people not try to compare your lives? But as you have rejoiced with her,you will be celebrated also.Lol at the long list of things to embarrass the man who finally.found you…..I wonder if that culture will go.my wedding was 6 years ago and the ‘list’ thing is still hot o,anyway it makes the day colorful,lolll.

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    • Amen and thank you for reading Rohbebe. I don’t the list will ever go but I hope it will get significantly shorter.😂😂

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  13. Congrats to our friend, hmmmmmm @ eldest man in the family giving bride out my sister u dont want to know how that feel with the absence of your Dad.

    Liked by 1 person

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