We all get heartbroken at some point in our lives. It’s a crushing and often debilitating feeling. In fact, scientists suggest that it feels the same as physical pain and could slowly kill you.
It’s the end of the year and we aren’t taking any baggage into 2017. So, this post is to help you stitch the pieces of your broken heart together and get it pumping again. Think of this as a sort of resuscitation.
Sarah Ockler put it perfectly when she said “Weeping is not the same thing as crying. It takes your whole body to weep, and when it’s over, you feel like you don’t have any bones left to hold you up.”
It’s okay. Feel sorry for yourself. Bawl and use up all the tissue. “Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it” and heaven knows your heart is squashed. Weep and then cry as often as you need to. It’s your pain.
But keep an eye on the clock. I have a 15-20 minute limit to get over myself. You may need more or less. It’s better to cry 15mins every hour or 2 than to waste 3 – 4hours brooding over shit you can’t fix. Suck it up and do something else with your life for a while.
None of these will get you anywhere so just stop it. What’s done is done. Accept your loss, make peace with it and work to grow from this. Positive affirmation is more helpful. Think “This will pass and I’ll be fine”.
Find Your Friend
Not everyone wants to listen to your sob story, and not everyone who wants to listen really cares. I’m not talking about people at the fringes of your life. I’m not talking about those you have a rapport with. I’m talking about your Home-Team, those who know you and understand why this hurts and how much. Your Voltron crew. Find them. Get a hug, cry on them. Those are the people who will not judge you. They know their job is to fix you.
If you don’t have any of these, well… I’m glad to let you know you have a friend in Jesus.
Don’t Send Any Messages
No SMS, email, voice mail or any shit like that. You’ll look pitiful and wimpy or worse, petty, angry and bitter. Try to carry your hurt with the dignity silence offers.
Write or Talk to Yourself
It’s not crazy. It’s free therapy that will help you deal with the emotional stress. Just…do it in private. Write those emails and SMS in a little notebook. That will suffice. DO NOT SEND.
Listen to Music
Not those slow miserable love songs that will get you in your feelings. I mean upbeat, dance hall, tunes with a lot of drums to excite you and make you want to move your body. Sing along, dance and twerk if you know how. Enjoy the beat and escape into the music.
Workout a lot
Nothing heals the soul like breaking the body. Exercise till it hurts. If running is your thing, channel all that emotion into running until your legs feel wobbly and you are out of breath. If it’s weights or squats, do same. Work. that. body. When you are done, you’ll be bursting with endorphins (happy hormones) and be too exhausted to wallow in self-pity. Plus, you’ll sleep like a baby.
As the saying goes, “We are what we pretend to be”. So, practice smiling even if you really don’t feel like it. In my experience, the chore of faking happiness distracts you from your misery and becomes you. You learn to be happy in spite of your pain.
Don’t Take Time Off
At least not for too long. Keep on with your daily routine. It will give you less time to be broody or mope around.
or at the very least, leave your house. Go see a movie or take a walk. Get some air and chit-chat with your neighbors. Just don’t stay home wallowing or you will do undignified things like texting, and regret it soon enough.
Block now-irrelevant persons on all social media and resist the temptation to cyber-stalk. You don’t need to know how or what they are doing. It’s just not your business anymore. You are heart-broken and quite frankly a miserable mess. Don’t add “creepy” to this list of unpleasant attributes.
Now, I don’t know what you believe in, but my bible says “the Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalms 34:18). So, ask Him for help. If you feel like you can’t, ask someone to pray for you. I remember I couldn’t even speak. I wrote a small note and gave it to the priest, “Please pray for me. I can’t pray for myself today”.
Have as much chocolate or whatever guilty pleasure you desire, we can diet later. Have all and any except alcohol. If you take alcohol, you will text and disgrace your village. Don’t do it. Make yourself happy. Splurge. Applaud yourself from time to time: One week of not cyber-stalking, a whole day and no crying. You deserve a new dress or some jewelry. Get it!
Most of these are tough to do at first, but I promise it gets easier. As my sister says “Just keep kicking.” It’s a swimming related metaphor. “You only drown if you stop trying”. So, whatever storm you are going through, I hope that something in here makes you smile and puts a few stitches in your broken-heart. I hope that you hang in there till it blows over.
If you have any tips to share, please leave them in the comment section below.