Horror Movie Survival Tips

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Why do people die so easily in Hollywood horror movies? I get it, it’s horror and people are expected to die at some point, but why make it easy for the zombie/ alien/ mass murderer/ psycho/ ghost to get you? I’ve hardly ever watched a horror movie without shouting “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU STUPID!?

So, as an avid horror movie watcher, I’ve decided to share some tips on what you should do to survive if you ever find yourself in a horror movie! Please, follow these strategies religiously, thank you!

  1. If you hear a funny noise, either at the foot of your bed, your closet, another room, or at your front door, never ever go there to investigate. Instead, run the opposite direction. Forget your shoes and just run!
  2. If you are running, please don’t run to the roof unless you expect a helicopter to be waiting there for you. Run downstairs and outside where there are more available hiding and/or running options.
  3. Always double check. Suppose you run and manage to get into your car. Please, please, check the back seat, and if possible, the boot. Cars are one of the worst places you want to be caught in with a murderer.
  4. Once you’re sure you can’t run away for good, find a weapon. If possible, raid a gun store and stock up on AK-47s or/and grenades. At worst, arm yourself with knives (although this may not work on ghosts but at least you’ll feel powerful, even if it’s only in your head).
  5. Don’t be compassionate. If you’re in a group and someone has been badly injured, leave them. The only compassion here should be a mercy killing. Or you could leave them with one of your guns or knives. That’s altruistic enough please.
  6. Don’t be a hero and go help someone who’s shouting ‘HELP’. At best, the person will slow you down since he/she is stupid enough to be shouting instead of being stealthy, or even stupid enough to need help. At worst, it’s a trap.
  7. If you find a perfect spot, hide! Make sure you’ve left no tracks, and there are no twigs or dried leaves on the floor to give you away. Also, make sure you aren’t gasping or breathing deeply. In fact, don’t breathe at all!
  8. Stay in the group! Never on your life separate/”split up” and go off by yourself or even in pairs. Once you do that, know that you are dead dead dead! Go in threes, fours, and if possible, tens. And make sure you’re in a group of slow runners so you can outrun them.
  9. If you find yourself in a haunted house, move out. Disregard the mortgage, money, and the stress. You can’t fight with ghosts without some life casualties
  10. If you manage to kill something, DO NOT go closer to see whether it is really dead. If you’ve got a gun, good for you, it means you can stand at a distance and shoot it (get the head, heart, or both preferably). If you don’t have a long-distance weapon, run while it’s down.
  11. If you get out of this ordeal alive, never bring back a weird alien specimen to investigate in your lab. It will eat you.
  12. Last but not least, if you think you saw something, don’t say ‘I thought I saw something…it’s probably nothing’. Errr…hello! It’s probably something

So, there you go; ten tips that will at least raise your chances of survival in a Hollywood horror movie. Any more suggestions?

P.S. This post is inspired by too much TV lol

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4 replies

  1. In addition to number 10, if you manage to get off a shot and knock your assailant down, double tap, triple tap even. Just shot, strike, bludgeon the damn thing till it’s insides are outside and on the ground, then after that run.

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