Girl’s Guide: How to Survive Fuel Scarcity

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The current petrol crisis in this country has stretched on for over a month now, and the Minister of State for Petroleum, Ibe Kachikwu has stated that the scarcity will continue till May, and that only magic can bring a quicker end to the situation.

Now, I am all for doing the right thing and gender equality, but these fuel queues under this relentless sun is no place to find a lady. This means we too have to work our “magic”.
So, here are a few tips to help us get through this.

  1. Be Friendly
    Be nice to petrol station managers and pump attendants. Smile, pay them genuine compliments and leave a tip. N200 will not kill you. Now when scarcity starts you can stop by, chat and get a phone number. If you haven’t been nice to any fuel attendant, I’m afraid this article is too late for you. there’s hope. Keep reading.
  2. Talk to People
    Ask your colleagues at work, especially your male co-workers. Someone around you has been doing Number 1 and has a contact in a Petrol Station.
    Find that person!
  3. Reduce your Movement
    Daily movement: Work – Home – Work
    Weekly Movement: Market, Mall, Church/Mosque
    When this crisis is over, you can get back to rekindling friendships, clubbing, seeing movies and visiting friends.
    For now, if a friend needs to meet with you, they can catch you at any of the locations stated above.
  4. Car Pool: If you have a family and more than one car, start sharing. Use one car.
    I don’t need to explain further do I?
  5. Use Gen only for Emergencies
    See, you will not die without light. It’s sad that we are still in the dark ages, but we aren’t here to lament, we are here to survive.
    Most stations refuse to sell in jerrycans so you either haul your gen to the station or buy fuel from black market. Either way, minimise it’s use. You can’t be using gen over night like before. Change is here!
    7pm to 11pm (or 4 hours as required) is enough. Iron, charge phones and watch TV within this time. The weather is hot, I know. Take a cold shower and give your kids a bath too.
  6. Leverage on your Toasters
    I don’t need to explain this do I? I didn’t ask you to sleep with anyone for fuel oh! But you get the idea. Toasters are eager to prove themselves and why they should be in your life. Well, this is an opportunity isn’t it? Propose with a full tank of fuel.
  7. Use your Kids
    If you have kids you are in luck. If you don’t but you are fat, you too are in luck. This is low, but these are desperate times. We stoop to conquer and you are going to play the desperate mother card.
    Wear your rumpled bubu or Adire. No one will pity you in a mini skirt or tight dress. The struggle out there is past that. If you have a toddler, pick him/her up. You both are going to save the day. Go to the station looking like Suffering, park outside and go find the station manager and beg. Fake cry if you need to and beg for just 10 liters to pick your kids from school or something. They will let you drive in and fill up your tank. I’m ashamed to say it works every time.

Finally, if you are a “boss” and above all these, get your driver or regular taxi driver who you’ve got on call (you’ve got one right? for the days you don’t feel like driving cause you’re a boss…right?) to do all the suffer-head, queuing and hustling for you. All you’ve got to do is pay like N2,000. Trust me, that extra amount is worth it to have fuel in your car and your generator for at least a week.

If you have any tips I missed, do share them below.
Thank you and Goodluck!

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